The impending diagnosis of a friend, floods of sick people in My physical community and in my social media community, confusion from the enemy that is leading God’s children far away from Him and the heart shattering picture of a starving 4-year-old Kenyan who weighs a mere 9 pounds.

 

These are the situations, thoughts, and images weighing heavy on my heart this day.

 

My sleep was restless as I woke up praying for a friend over and over again. My heart ached for the person I love because I knew that today’s news may change the trajectory of her life. Thank you Lord, for a good report.

 

I click open the Instagram app on my phone to find 10 new messages, mostly from strangers, who are suffering through illness and looking for a way to heal after running out of sustainable medical options. They are looking for encouragement, someone to point them in the direction of HOW-TO on this natural-road-less traveled, filled with complete lifestyle changes and more ounces of green juice than most care to drink.

 

I have anxiety about opening them. I don’t know what hurt will be found inside. I don’t know what stories will be shared and what questions will be asked. Inevitably, I will have to reopen my own wounds to honestly share my experiences- both traumatic and triumphant- in order to relate to my new friends. My heart races and I peer through squinted eyes to read each new message. With every story/situation shared, I will carry a new burden for the one hurting. Their pain will weigh on me as I feel deeply for them, with them. I want the messages to come but I also wish they would disappear.

I asked Him to use me… and He is. 

 

I’ve asked God to use me, to use every single second of my suffering to glorify Him, to allow my experiences to HELP OTHERS in great need of hope, answers, and a way out of the death valley.

He’s answering those prayers.

He’s calling me to help.

He’s telling me to share.

He’s bringing people my way who need a point in the right direction, who need a sincere heart to pray for them, who need reminding that God’s plan for them is for their good and HIS glory no matter how bleak the days may look.

He’s giving me words to say to those who need a friend that has/is walking through a life forever changed by a sick physical body… a friend that can tell them “It GETS BETTER, DO NOT QUIT!”

He’s asked me to be obedient in the ways He tells me to care for my body and He’s giving me a free platform on which to share and educate/encourage others to choose these foods for themselves and watch the transformation unfold. And everyday, people whom I know and don’t, are asking me to help them or someone they love to utilize God’s perfect foods for a better life.

 

I asked Him to use me… and He is. 

 

Why did I think being used would come without the pain? Why did I think God would use my life in a way that would be easy for me? Why did I think I could serve Him without sacrificing myself?

 

Some days I question, “God, what on Earth am I here for?” And the resounding answer that rings in my heart refocuses my eyes on an eternal purpose.

 

“For me, Mallory. ”

My Father tells me, “You’re here for ME. To love others the way I do, to serve others the way I do, to shine MY light for all to see, to help others by sharing the testimony I have given you.

You are not here for yourself… you are here for ME and by ME. I want you on Earth, I have purpose for you on Earth even if you can’t understand it. Heaven would be easier but you are right where I want you to be.”

 

I asked God to use me and He is… but being used is strenuous, arduous, and burdensome. Being used means stretching to uncomfortable places. Being used means courageously sharing pain over and over again, rather than stuffing it away in an attempt to forget the trauma. Being used means honesty in failures and humility to admitting sin. Being used means vulnerability, wearing a heart on your sleeve rather than cowering at the possibility of rejection. Being used means choosing God over the world and the habits that numb the senses. Being used means looking at the world with eyes wide open instead of closed, blind eyes turned from the injustices that are easier to ignore than ingest.

 

And yet, on the flip side… the journey of being used radiates breathtaking beauty.

 

Because, being used results in knowing God intimately. Being used results in planting spiritual seeds and watching them grow. Being used results in painful memories losing power and control, as you stand in the authority of Jesus who overcame all evil 2,000 years ago on an old rugged cross. Being used results in encouragement from other Believers, quick to remind you that you are not alone. Being used results in blessing after blessing, joy after joy, and miracle after miracle as you notice God’s hand at work everywhere. Being used results in new relationships, long conversations filled with honesty and wisdom, and a purpose that excites you every morning when you rise.

 

You see, though the process of being used can make you marred, Jesus won’t leave you that way.

 

He’s Master of picking up the pieces, gluing them back in place, and blurring the cracks together as if the break had never happened. Jesus does not give scars nor does he leave them. Every piece of my brokenness, every burden I carry, every worry, every failure, and every fear I give over to Him. To use, for His glory and the good of all who love Him and call upon His name.

 

So, I praise Him for protecting my friend’s health, I pray for the sick and ask for the right words to say to the ones who have reached out in need. I pray that the lost would be found and that I would be obedient to witness in every opportunity while striving to love ALL people the way Jesus did: without condition.

 

And finally, I cry heavy tears of sorrow for the starving African child whom I long to hold and call my own. Simultaneously, I cry tears of joy as he is rescued by a God-loving organization (OVI) who will undoubtedly show him love and provision like he has never known, while nourishing his soul with the truth of the Savior’s love.

 

I see the pain, suffering and need of this broken world and feel enraged, discouraged and useless. And yet, I somehow believe God can use my little life to make this dwelling place better. So, even on the days that being used scares me, feels burdensome, or makes me uncomfortable…  I ask Him to use me. And faithfully, He answers with a yes.

 

I asked Him to use me… and He is.