A life update // where I’ve been & how I’m feeling

And just like that it has been almost a month since I last blogged, and what a busy, unexpected month it has been.

I have several topics I want to write about and I have, already, written the post for them in my head. But for today I simply want to share a bit of a life update in case you’re wondering where I have been:

On April 23rd we celebrated two years of marriage! Tyler had just finished up tax season and was run down from the fatigue and stress. We celebrated simply at home with me fixing Tyler one of his favorite meals, then watching our shows and laying on the couch. We planned to take a celebratory trip to Red River Gorge for a quiet weekend out in nature but tragedy struck instead.  I’ll get to that soon.

At the end of April we celebrated my brother Phillip’s 28th birthday. It was his first birthday as a dad which made it extra special. I love seeing him with his beautiful baby girl- he is a great dad!

That same weekend, my best friend Jordan was back in town to visit from Chicago. Jordan and I have been best friends since we were tiny. We were born 8 days apart, grew up in church together, went to elementary school together, spent every summer at church camp being crazy and having a blast, she was one of my bridesmaids, and will always be one of my favorite people on this earth! Other than seeing her for one minute at church on Christmas, we hadn’t seen her on over a year. I missed her so much! Her parents threw a cookout/party to celebrate having their girls home at the same time. We sat around the fire for a few hours reminiscing on our wonderful memories. Luckily I got to see her two more times before she went back to Chicago. We both cried when she left… I wish we lived closer!

During this time, Tyler’s papaw was becoming very sick, very quickly. Out of respect for the family I won’t share details, but in the early morning on May 5 he passed away while in Hospice care. We were able to spend his last full day by his bedside. In fact, all of his children and grandchildren (and of course his lovely wife of over 60 years) were able to be there to say goodbye and spend some of his final hours with him. We stayed with Tyler’s Mamaw for almost a week while everything was going on. Getting to spend so much time with family is always a blessing but especially during hard times when you need to be reminded of love and laughter. Tyler’s Mamaw is a woman of God, relying on Him for her strength. What a great example for us to see!

Rest In Peace, Papaw Larry Kirk, a man who was dearly loved by his family & community. I’ll never forget the first time I met him & he asked our waitress to get him a drink that “actually tastes like Dr Pepper” then when asked how his meal tasted he said “It’s just somethin to eat”  This same man had teary eyes on Christmas when we all packed up to leave. He was a special guy & I feel blessed for the years I got to know him. I’m thankful to have married into such a great family who has shared their loved ones with me!

It feels like ever since this happened we have been out of whack, trying to fall back into our normal life routine. Not to make this hardship about me, but as someone dealing with serious health issues and needing a lot of healing, these type of emotional, stressful, difficult, tiring events are extra hard. Being on our feet so much, traveling, staying away from home, spending time in different environments, putting in the effort to bring/make/fix the special types of food I need, etc… it all adds up. Since the end of April I’ve been struggling with my typical joint/nerve & leg pain becoming much worse, resulting in my entire legs swelling quite a bit anytime I’m on them for more than a few minutes. Nausea, vertigo, fatigue, and being light headed all the time have been much worse. My fatigue feels out of this world. I’m having more moments of feeling like I can’t even open my mouth to communicate my thoughts because my brain is so tired & foggy it just can’t process anymore.

All of this and  more, happens to me whenever I do things out of the norm which are physically demanding (for me.) It will get better with time (and prayers, thanks!) but honestly I’ve felt quite miserable again for the last month & even just completing simple daily tasks feels overwhelming because right now it is extra physically hard/painful for me.

I want to blog… I want to clean every part of my house… I want to read more… I want to go for long walks that feel good… I want to be able to be on my feet… I want to be learning and growing… I want to be able to do fun things with my husband…I want to contribute to the world… I want to have energy for visiting with friends and socializing. Everything feels tough right now, like I’m fighting to just go through the motions.

It’s okay. I just need time and rest.

It feels like time is not on my side. We have our family vacation coming up, the first week of June we are going with Tyler’s family to the beach. I know that a change of views, a comfortable beach house, some ocean breeze, laying under the shade would all do me good. Making that trip is physically exhausting and taking care of myself in a new environment is also. This is supposed to be fun and I want to be able to enjoy it!

So, I’m planning to lay low for a little bit of a summer vacation/quiet healing time. I want to do another type of healthy challenge, I want to share some personal stories to help encourage others in their healing, I want to share knowledge that has helped me, and I want to share about God’s faithfulness… but all those things will have to wait…and that’s okay!

For now I am filling my soul with Jesus, filling my body with simple mono meals & beautiful healing foods (this makes it possible for me to function- your food choices will make the biggest difference), spending lots of time laughing with my Vince, & resting on my comfy couch with my guy. I am incredibly blessed by my loving Father!

Thanks for loving on me and being patient when I am slow to respond!

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