Psalm 91:1-4

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” 3 Surely he will save you  from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers,and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Disappointment, despair 

Unfolding everyday…

One step forward, two more back

No longer moving up, slowly falling down

Still, I press on toward the goal of Jesus, the kingdom of Heaven, the glory of God.
This is what I’m called to do. This is who I’m called to be.This is the fight I’m called to defeat.

You are faithful & You answer. 

Often in the ways I don’t desire, the hard stuff I wish to avoid. 

Now I must learn to desire what you desire

To long for Your Will above all else…

Jesus:

I strive for you // I cling to you // I lunge for you// I reach for you// I cry for you

Knowing you’re always here.
Even when clouded eyes can’t spot your light; even when muddled hearts refuse to be washed clean.

I WANT:

To mourn// To cry// To live in this grief// To be dumped in a sea of depression 

I WANT to be mad at the uncontrollable- at my circumstances, at my misery, at that which is not fair!

I WANT to be stubborn…to pull the covers over my head…retreat into the darkness & pretend not to feel your comforting touch.

But… I can’t and I won’t. 

I cannot run when >> your arms are my one true home.
I cannot escape when >> I close my eyes & I see your face. I plug my ears & I hear you in my heart. 
Even in this grief, even in my despair I crave worship.

Praise music sings over my thoughts.

My human weakness tries to turn off Your heavenly strength 
Yet I’m reminded of… 

the One who catches my tears

Drop by drop,

One tear after the next.

He is my safety net.

Let me rest in your wings, Oh Lord. 

How can life simultaneously be:

horrible & beautiful// hideous & glorious// heavy & light// binding & free
Your loves overrides all contradiction.

This broken world rescued by the blood of a perfect lamb, still tainted with sin yet freely forgiven.
How can it be? How can you love me? Why do you forgive me? Why do you flawlessly rescue me time & time again? 
Every second// Every breath// Every blink 
Every moment of my life

It all belongs to you

It’s all in your Hands.

Come fire, come flood

Destructive storm or crashing wave 

I trust you to pull me through.

When I was lost, You found me
I’ll never outrun Your reach.

No amount of grief can steal from your goodness, 

no situation can erase Your faithful history, 

For nothing changes YOU. 

Disappointment, suffering, despair, one step forward & two more back…

Still, I continue to press on Heavenward Trusting in the glory You have in store Resting in the shadow of the Most High.