“God set the pattern of the love, the basis for all love relationships; when you love someone dearly you’re willing to give freely to the point of self-sacrifice.”

 

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends.

Valentine’s… A day you’re probably already sick of thinking about, planning for, seeing in every store,and reading about on social media. Your timeline is likely ambushed by pictures of cute young couples, sappy expressions of admiration, and picture after picture of flowers with some sort of stuffed animal holding a box of chocolates. 
 

 

For those of us who are taken, and also those who are single, Valentine’s Day can be exhausting. Hollywood, Instagram, Pinterest, & greeting card companies have somehow tricked our society into believing this minuscule holiday needs to be the most perfect day of the year. Between stressing over the perfect date, the perfect homemade dessert, the perfect guy, the perfect girl, & the perfect romance…we are literally setting ourselves up for heartache.

 And a giant headache.

 And probably a giant toothache from all that candy. 

Don’t get me wrong, like any lady, I love this day of love. And I have been on each opposing side of the dramatic V-Day spectrum.

I’ve been the emotional teenager who feels completely less than because of my single status. V-day of my sophomore year of high school was spent at the movies, watching a romantic comedy with other single girlfriends. We had each other as “dates.” We stuffed our mouths with buttery-popcorn. We cried during the sappy story line, maybe a little too hard, as we realized we were the only single people inside the theater. All day I wondered why I STILL hadn’t had my first date, or my first “real” boyfriend (you know, outside of those awkward middle school relationships), or my first experience with young love. 

Gag me with a spoon.

I realize how pathetic that sounds coming from a 15 year-old child. But it’s the honest truth; my self-esteem wavered completely on the fact that I felt unloved, unwanted, unworthy over the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend. 

Dramatic much?

And I’ve also been on the faaaaar other end of the spectrum as a college freshman deeply in love who ugly-CRIED on V-Day from the overwhelming happiness I experienced with Tyler. I knew he was the one & felt so undeserving of a relationship that felt straight out of a fairytale. My self-worth on this Valentine’s Day soared high because I had those picture perfect moments which I’d dreamt of my entire life. But, if our relationship had ended you can bet my confidence would have plummeted to a new low. 

In both scenarios I see a glaring issue that seems to sadly plague many of us… Confidence, self-esteem, self-worth treated as something totally conditional. We allow our self-view to hang in someone else’s hands; a responsibility that nobody wants to bear. It’s completely unfair. Our happiness, our joy is too often based on circumstances, situations, & relationships rather than the Solid Rock on which we stand. 

Whether your Facebook status reads:
Single 

Engaged

Married

Divorced

It’s complicated 

take heart in knowing your confidence, your joy, and your value does not have to be directly correlated to that label. 

Your confidence, your joy, your self-worth, your value cannot lie in the hands of another human, rather, it must lie in the Hands of He who formed you. The hands of our Creator can handle whatever you’re feeling and transform it into total peace. For His perfect love casts out fear. His perfect love puts others first. His perfect love shows patience. His perfect love does not come and go.

His perfect love never fails. 

His perfect love does not reject, show favoritism, or care what you look like. His perfect love does not expect you to spend $100 on a bouquet of roses or spend hours slaving away/stressing over the perfect meal which you have no idea how to fix. 

His perfect love does not come and go.

When we truly understand His perfect love, once the light bulbs start popping on, self-worth seems so easy to obtain. Because living within the realm of His love means no fear of rejection…no chance of spending our days alone….no anxiety over when we will inevitably be dumped, disappointed, or traded in for someone younger, prettier, smarter, richer….

Living in the confines of His love that is deeper, higher, wider than any human brain can ever begin to fathom, means freedom. It means experiencing unconditional love. Unconditionally. All day, every day. No matter what you do, how much you mess up, how far you are from perfect there is no separation from this love. And if you accept His love, everyday can reveal elements of a perfect Valentine’s Day with warm & fuzzies, tears of joy and the overwhelming truth that we are freely given the gift of grace which we could never deserve. 

 

So as you wrap up your Valentine’s Day 2016, I wish you love. And not the romantic kind, although that’s great and all, rather I pray you would feel the love of our God as he wraps His arms around you in the most perfect embrace. I pray that you strive to feel, experience, acknowledge and celebrate the perfect love in which you were created & blessed. I pray you work to discover confidence that is not defined by appearances or relationship status. I pray you unveil the hidden treasure of healthy self-worth which lies in knowing Christ Jesus. 

To read more on discovering your confidence through Christ, click here to read my contribution for Anything Christian.