“I wouldn’t trade him for my health…and that says A LOT!”

 

Liz, my Facebook friend and fellow pancreatic disease warrior (follow her story here), wrote me these words in admiration of her loving husband of 14 years. She said something about Tyler’s and my upcoming wedding, to which I joked how special our men must be to share their lives with us.

 

Her words say it all.

 
They say more than most people living in a healthy body could possibly fathom.
Her words illustrate a love so great, so powerful, so precious and refined, that even a life free from the pain and suffering of a seriously ill body is not worth a life without that love. Of course, I couldn’t agree more with my friend’s insight. I told another friend of mine that I would rather spend the rest of my life in a hospital bed than consider a life without my future husband, Tyler. That may sound dramatic, but that’s the honest depth of our love.

 

He is more valuable to me than my own body, my own feelings, or my own relief.

 

Love never fails. God created it to be fireproof.

 

True love, the love ordained to us through God the Father can make us do crazy things. Love sends our hearts into a spirit of total sacrifice, non-stop service, and down-right selflessness. It makes us say and do things which we do not do or feel for ourselves because someone else’s happiness and well-being far surpasses our own. And in a healthy relationship, our partner will do the same for us. In turn, both members of the team are well cared for.

 

“I wouldn’t trade him for my health…and that says A LOT!”

 

The wise words of Liz played over and over in my mind throughout this weekend. Such truth, such impact contained in one simple sentence…what powerful lessons God is speaking to my heart through these words!

IF I am honestly, whole-heartedly stating:

“A life with my future husband is far better than a life of good health and physical prosperity!” (which I so desperately desire)…shouldn’t I also honestly, whole-heartedly exclaim:

“A life with my Jesus is far better than a life filled with anything else”?!

As a Christian, I should be eager to do ANYTHING that God asks of me!

You know…God…the man upstairs…the one who should sit on the throne of my heart…
in whom I should place my trust and love…the God who is supposed to be my #1 priority…
my ALL in ALL… the King who is more than enough….

 

What am I willing to honestly do for the love of that God?

 

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
1 John 4:10

What am I willing to for His love, not because I am required to somehow earn this love– it is FREE and abundant– but because I yearn to show Him my love and devotion? Just as I do everything in my power to display my love to Tyler, I must act in a way that not only pleases God but in a way that also shows Him that:

My love for Him is >>>> my concern for myself.

 

Did you catch that?
Was it painful?
Rub some dirt in the wound and allow me to repeat.

 

My love for Him is >>>> my concern for myself.

 

For we confidently know that His love is better than life! (Psalm 63:3) And a life in Him will not leave us in want (Psalm 23:1), no good thing is withheld from those who trust in the Lord (Psalm 34:10), and we can 100% count on Him to provide for ALL our needs (Matthew 6:31-32).

If all these things are true, (they totally are), and I believe it with all my heart (I totally do) then riddle me this:

 

Why is it that I can drop everything in my life to communicate with Tyler (text, call) when it’s important to him yet communicating with God must wait until it’s most convenient for ME?

 

Or, why do I have zero problem turning off the TV or putting my phone down when I want to spend time with Tyler yet I choose to leave my television on (but it’s muted!) during my Bible study?

 

YET, I say and I believe that I love Jesus more than anything! I honestly exclaim that I am HIS before I am anyone else’s. I proudly post that Jesus Christ is my true love, soul mate, the absolute ruler of my life… and somehow, my actions aren’t matching up.

 

Am I the only one?

 

At the end of the day words are nothing more than wasted breath if actions do not back-up them up. As the old adage goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” It is easy to proclaim our love for God when that love does not cost us much more than sleepily attending church on Sunday morning.

 

Y’all know how much I love and believe in total honesty… So, in the spirit of full-disclosure I’ll be the first to admit:

 

MY ACTIONS DO NOT SAY,

“I love Jesus THE MOST!!”

Instead, my actions say,

“I love Jesus a whole lot but I habitually choose to leave Him in the background because I know He will never leave me.”

 

 

WOW, seriously, MAl?!
How stinkin’ unfair is it to do that to the one who created and sacrificed everything for me?

Can you imagine telling that to your spouse or significant other?

I can tell you this, as a self-respecting woman I would not stand for playing second fiddle to another person! And I am nothing more than a sinner. An undeserving, unworthy person who is light years away from perfection or becoming anything close to good…
yet I even think I deserve more than back-burner love.

How incredibly HONORED we should feel to play second-fiddle to the King of Kings!!! I pray that Tyler loves God before me. And he prays that I love God before him.

For the love of God, what would you do?

 

I have surrendered my future to Him. I have (force-ably, might I add) surrendered  my health to Him. But now, I am choosing to surrender all for the life which He desires for me. I long to do that which is best for His glory… that which shows my love and adoration for Him as greater than my love and adoration for anything/anyone else.

I’ve repeated this over and over the last 2+ years, but I’ll say it again:
It is well with my soul, for God has graciously granted me peace that passes all understanding in WHATEVER happens in this life!

And if spending my life as a physically-ill human provides me the most-powerful witness, the greatest opportunity to give God ALL the glory…I choose to say,

“Bring on the suffering.”

 

With all my heart I mean this… I would not trade my life with Jesus, living in His perfect plan for a life free of suffering and perfect health.

Anyone who has watched my story unfold, or fought tooth and nail for their own life should feel the power behind that statement.

Father, I will give up all my comfort, possessions, physical progress, and relationships if that’s what it takes to love you.
For the love of God I give up my life to be HIS forever, fully trusting in the joy, beauty, and blessings that only He can bring.
For the love of God I choose to be His disciple, working and witnessing in whatever way pleases Him.

Will you step out in faith today, and join me in honestly striving to love Him above all else, not simply with words, but boldly with actions? Please commit yourself to praying for the children of God’s kingdom…may we experience radical heart transformation, feel
courage through His perfect love which drives out fear, and choose complete trust in wherever the Holy Spirit would lead.

Through His love,

xoxo

Mal