dead and gone 

Goodbye to me.

Goodbye to the person I once knew and the flesh that was formerly so familiar.

I am gone.

Merely a shell of who I used to be.

All that remains are ashes, fragments, specs of the old Mallory.

That person is gone & buried, only to live in memory…

I thought disease had caused this symbolic death.

For two years I have been blaming this broken, tormented body for the loss of myself. I blamed sickness & disease for the death of the lively girl I used to know. What I have been too ignorant to realize and fully take note of, is the blaring obvious truth that this death of Me happened years before my sickness set in.

And it happened by choice. By my own discretion & confident decision.

The old Me was gone & buried the day I accepted Christ into my heart & vowed to live all my days for Him. On June 29, 2003 I was baptized, alongside my two older brothers, by our long-time minister and friend. The same man who will marry Tyler & I in 223 days.
At ten years old, as I was submerged into that pure baptismal water, then raised up again, I lost my life. I said goodbye to the only me I had ever known. I was dead and buried.

Dead and gone.

Dead, in the most beautiful way.
Because of Christ, I emerged a new being. A new believer. A new person. A new, better version of myself. Far better than I could achieve on my own merit. For with Christ, we were all crucified. The selfish parts of our nature, the sin addictions, the mere human sides who will never earn salvation by deeds, our weaknesses and disobedience… All those sides and many, many more died that day on the cross with Our Savior.

As believers, WE no longer live because it is Christ who lives through our bodies and our hearts.

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

“If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone the new has come!”

Our lives are no longer based on sight but on faith– we live in trust & obedience of the one who gave it all. The old is gone and the new has come!

See, although life-threatening pancreatic disease has stolen so many parts of me, I willingly gave up my life 10 years before this turmoil began.

My life has never been my own.

And it never will be.

That is my choice.

The old me is dead & buried with my Savior– He is the only one I will give up all of me for! He is the only one who has the power to take my old life and bury it in order to raise up something far more lovely.

Beauty from ashes, always.

Sickness, disease, sin, addiction, relationships, selfishness, disobedience hold no power over me. Nor do they have a hold on you. The powers of evil are not strong enough to take these lives from us. Do not let Satan rob you of you.

There is one way, through one faith, in one God, who hung on one cross next to our sins. The Lord of this universe can take a selfish heart & transform it with grace. His mercies redeem us daily. Thank God, they are new each morning.

Saying goodbye to me did not come with a funeral or mourning. It came with celebration, joy, transformation, love, grace and the promise of eternity.


The focus of Christianity is not on dying, rather on living!


Living the fullest life, a purpose driven life, a life of freedom and peace. A life free from condemnation and met with justification and sanctification. It’s all about willingness to die to yourself,  die to your sins everyday in order to live life abundant in the body of Christ.
Each day, I challenge you to take up your cross, wave goodbye to your sinful desires of the flesh and embrace the power of Christ which radiates bright light through you.
I have been crucified with my true love. Mallory no longer lives for it is Jesus Christ who lives & loves, in me.

Praise be to Him.

5 thoughts on “dead and gone 

  1. Such a beautiful post – bring to mind a song I’ve always loved:

    My life is changing from old into the new.
    I have told my Jesus, I want to go thru.
    Not by my might, nor by my will.
    But by His power, if I will be still.

    Liked by 1 person

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