Maybe someday I’ll have my own store-front; a tiny downtown bakery full of homemade pies, cakes, cookies, biscuits & yummy cobblers.
Or maybe I’ll do the baking out of my own kitchen and make affordable goodies for friends and neighbors.
Maybe I’ll be a writer; publishing my Still Waters writings & those years & years worth of raw journal entries.
Or perhaps I’ll be a contributor for another Christian outlet, a freelance writer of sorts 🙂
Maybe I can turn my testimony into a ministry for women, including speaking engagement, leading bible studies, selling devotional books.
Maybe my full-time job will be Caretaker for my beloved uncle, Vince. Spending each day caring for his needs, having fun together, working with him to realize his full potential.
Maybe I’ll go back to college in order to finish my degree in Corporate & Organizational Communication. Or maybe I’ll start an entirely different program & push for a career in the corporate world.
Maybe my future will include a mixture of all these aspirations or maybe, just maybe, it won’t include any of these yet something entirely different. Maybe, maybe, maybe….
Dreams. Passions. Hobbies. Career. Can’t all four of these things go hand in hand? Who says these terms aren’t interchangeable? And why do we limit ourselves to merely one path, one job, one routine that we get locked into for the entirety of our Earthly lives?
God created us, formed us all with divine talents that He begs us to use for Kingdom work. He has blessed all His beloved children with a world full of opportunity, and a front row seat to His free strength, grace, love & guidance. If we could just take each day as it comes, not stress about the unknowns, & not pressure ourselves to have the totality of our lives figured out before high school graduation.
The world places these unfair expectations on us: He does not. God simply commands:
“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…”
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
The way I see it, God did not put us on this Earth to merely “get by,” “make money,” or be “satisfactory.” During our short lives we will never experience the feeling of genuine fullness, of being truly complete… that amazing perection will come when we pass through those pearly gates. But, our Father does want, He longs even, to see us happy, joyful, having fun & cherishing this gift of life which we’ve graciously been given. Just the same way any parent hates to see their child unhappy, feeling alone, depressed, or trapped by their circumstances. Every day I’m striving to please God with my life, & in my opinion, that involves living with joy, seeking out every blessed opportunity that can make my life as wonderful, happy, fun, joy-filled as possible.
Before becoming sick, I did have many aspirations, plans, desires for my life. But I don’t remember having big dreams in the way I do now. I never felt as though my potential was limitless or that God would ever use me in a way that was beyond typical, ordinary, or mundane. I would have never dared to voice a risky dream, considering it may not come to fruition. I never had the guts to do something as vulnerable as starting a blog where I publicly share my inmost thoughts, feelings, struggles, & prayers.
Why? Because I didn’t think it was necessary to dream BIG. I naturally assumed I was guaranteed a future. Somehow I was guaranteed a college degree since I was certainly working hard to earn one. In fact, if my plans had worked out, my college graduation would have been yesterday. I thought I was guaranteed a career as I was working real world jobs, interning, putting in the hours, learning the skills. I was guaranteed a marriage; I was guaranteed the ability to conceive, carry, & deliver those 5 children Tyler & I dreamed of having because I put in the necessary effort to keep my body healthy, fit, & strong.
Now, more than ever, I realize the truth: nothing in this life is guaranteed. The one sure thing is our salvation, if only we believe, receive, repent, & do our best to live in a way that is honoring to God. None of my former plans would come to fruition in the way I was so sure they would & there is certainly no guarantee that any of my current dreams will see the light of day. While a part of me is overcome with grief & sadness over the time that has been taken from me, all the “what ifs,” all those things that could have been but never were… A larger part of my soul rejoices that He is guiding me on a path far greater than I ever imagined. Of this I am sure: I will never limit myself when I serve a God who is limitless.
As I write down the messages laid upon my heart, I’m instantly reminded of the gift of communication He designed specifically for me. As I form a pie dough, batter, or filling completely from scratch, I consider the way God created us out of dust. How he took a few simple elements & transformed them into something beautiful– an amazing creation that takes time to cook up and develop into a most desired delicacy. And as I spend time with my Vincey Wayne, I see the joy of The Lord shining through one of His most special children.
“He (Jesus) is before all things and in Him all things hold together….
He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy.”
In any direction my life may go, I know I will discover God in the midst of my work. For He is in all things. He is before all things. In Him all things hold together. He’s holding my hand every single moment as I discover my passions, dreams, & the things I can do that allow me to touch life again, distract myself from a reality I cannot escape, and draw near to the one who formed my heart.